Qualifications for a Mystery/Horror Hero(ine)

Are you feeling lost? Severely handicapped by psychological trauma and/or intrigue?
Have you no friends? No social circle?
Does nobody like you, or those that do are liked by no one in their turn? Do they die often?
Have you no social interests? Have you no life?
Does your whole life revolve around making a sense out of the ordinary? Do you like to bug and/or annoy people?
Are you reason-impaired? Do you like to make up fantasy stories in your head to get through the day without killing yourself?
Are you unable to understand the link between cause and effect?
Does your IQ fluctuate constantly under 70? Do people around you seem to mock you and you don't understand why?
Is it impossible for you to learn from mistakes? Or is it impossible for you to acknowledge past actions as empirical determinants for something that can happen again?
Do you think repetition will get you results? Especially saying "hello" often into obscure locations?
Are you an idiot?
Do you like creepy people and puzzling realities to fit your brain cells?
Do you have SM dreams? Is that why you are so calm when people are dying around you?
Do you think that what you do is important in the world? And that people really care?
Do you know that since you cannot run and fall very well, running anywhere above ground level and/or hiding in enclosed spaces is moronic?
Do you think that if you bang the bad guy on the head he's gonna be incapacitated for ever? Don't you think death is more permanent?
Are you under a vacillating belief? Do you sometimes are entirely skeptical only to change your mind the next day and believe any superstition thrown at you?
Do you listen to strangers and believe them? Have you no principles in life?
Do you suck at physics? If you're good at physics, do you suck in your urethra?
Have you no capability of analysis of a given situation other than Grimm brothers folklore settings?
Do you often like to put yourself in a dangerous position, thus enabling your brain cells to commit mass suicide?
Is it enjoyable to stare at objects and/or people hoping eventually to discover something bad about them so you can "fix" it?
Do you think the laws of nature will bend to your desperate will?
Have you been molested as a child and/or like to molest alive/dead children in your turn?
Do you have unnatural cravings, like nursing monsters? Do you live in Mediaeval Europe?
Do people never believe a word you say because they think you're crazy? Are you?

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